Sometimes failure makes your future because you set the past on fire.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

Why compare yourself to others? You never know what people have endured to get where they are.

Never underestimate the power of the human mind to believe what it wants to believe, no matter the conflicting evidence.

I think of the Kennedy family and I think of their faith... Along came John F. Kennedy and a part of his legacy is that... he didn't just break the Catholic barrier, he crushed it.

Even the wisest counsel is useless when it is unheeded.

Art teaches nothing, except the significance of life.

Find something good within your life and give every ounce of positivity you have towards it, then watch how your life changes.

I have had a few gentlemen let me know they find my manly beardiness somewhat alluring. Never any ladies though.

If a socialist economy is opened up to increasing degrees of market forces, a point will be reached at which democratic governance becomes a possibility.

The great charm of cats is their rampant egotism, their devil-may-care attitude toward responsibility, their disinclination to earn an honest dollar.

We rely on our purveyors to tell us what's available and what's good.