Sometimes in a movie, the lines are so perfect.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

Western police officers are an arguably corrupt group of people that have rigged the system to make them almost untouchable.

Live as intensely as possible, burn your candle of life from both ends.

Uproot the spirit of reluctancy out of your life and invest the spirit of stickability in this year of 2014.

Young lawyers attend the courts, not because they have business there, but because they have no business.

The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.

People get caught up in formulaic answers. When one doesn't work, they just go on to the next.

On a low-budget film, you don't have all the luxuries.

Only God can change a season of war into a season of peace. Would you agree with me in prayer for peace?

Worship must be - Christ centered, Holy Spirit led, a Response to the Father, about Intimacy and Service and always lead to Transformation!

Now, neighbor confines, purge you of your scum! Have you a ruffian that will swear, drink, dance, revel the night, rob, murder, and commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways?