Sometimes stupid is crime enough.

Excuses are like butt holes everyone has 'em and they all stink.

If money don't buy happiness, what the hell does?

Matrimony and firefighting. They ain't for cowards.

A friend is someone who will bike to the ice cream shop with you, even when you don't look so good.

Let us talk about oxymoron, common sense, for instance.

Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts.

Celibacy sucks, no pun intended.

I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on.

It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood.

Men have two outstanding features--their brains and their genitalia. Unfortunately, both rarely function simultaneously.

But what if hope had a threshold? What if there was a limit to it? What if each of us was only given a certain amount and mine was used up?

We Are All Capable of Great Things

Positive self-esteem must be preceded by self-respect. To get self-respect you have to do something good.

Sometimes I think that Darwin made a mistake and that in fact man is descended from the pig, because eight out of every ten members of the human race are swine, and as crooked as a hog's tail.

It gets on my nerves when women take too much time on makeup. You would think after a lifetime they would have the process down to less than 45 minutes!

I directed a movie back in the '90s which had calf roping in it, and I got into it quite a bit back then.

Above all, let the poor hang up the amulet of temperance in their homes.

Many have died; you also will die. The drum of death is being beaten. The world has fallen in love with a dream. Only sayings of the wise will remain.

I think that "ambition" is a weird and often negatively used word.

Strange, i thought i knew you well, thought i had read the sky, thought i had seen a change in your eyes.