Sometimes the idiots outvote the sensible people.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

It wasn't the same. I'm pretty good at making the best of things, but it wasn't the same.

Upgrade your past by seeing it with appreciation.

Changing and inventing new things is great. That's what we like to do.

When something is truly funny, it's funny all the time.

Prison is a Socialist paradise where equality prevails, everything is supplied, and competition is eliminated.

She looked at patches of blackness. Black is a blind remembering, she thought.

Without competitors there would be no need for strategy.

When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.

Wherever illiteracy is a problem, it's as fundamental a problem as getting enough to eat or a place to sleep.

Never water down or minimise the mighty Gospel of God by considering that people may be misled by certain statements. Present the Gospel in all its fullness and God will guard His own truth.