Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.

All of us at one point end face up in a ditch, but only a few will choose to look up at the stars and dream.

We still tell each other that we are lucky to be alive, when our being alive has almost nothing to do with luck, but with geography, pigmentation, and international exchange rates.

It is vital for artists to nurture and protect that which will make their vision unique.

I know my boundaries. I know the limits to the car.

It seems to me there is a change in what audiences want to see…I can only hope that’s correct, because there’s an awful lot of people of my age around now and we outnumber the others.

If [Donald Trump] wants to do good things, let's see it. Let him do it. I can't stop him from doing good things.

When I hear someone’s in the civil rights business, I oil up my AR-25.

Talkativeness has another plague attached to it, even curiosity; for praters wish to hear much that they may have much to say.

As long as we have to administer the law we must do so according to the law as it is. We are not here to make the law.

Full of wise saws and modern instances.