Sometimes, when something really great happens to me, I like to wait two weeks before I tell anyone about it, because I like to use the word 'fortnight'.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

If you have to support yourself you had bloody well better find some way that is going to be interesting.

The corrupt system made the ordinary citizen absolutely powerless and without rights

Food binds us to our roots as strongly as any song or poem. Many of us have learned more about our ancestors in the kitchen than we ever will from a book.

I have three kids and a wife, and any moments that aren't dedicated to working on this film in some way, or family, are immediately reserved for sleep.

Shops and clubs are very important when you want to change things. And they have a common denominator; the customer.

I don't think readers of Mann have overlooked the fact that he was a great ironist, but they have tended to see the irony in particular parts of the novella, and to miss it in others.

I can take strange detours and linger in places and do things that have no budgetary restraints.

I'm as guilty as anyone, because I helped to herald the digital era with Jurassic Park. But the danger is that it can be abused to the point where nothing is eye-popping any more.

There is a majesty and mystery in nature, take her as you will. The essence of poetry comes breathing to a mind that feels from every province of her empire.

All abilities come from one mind