Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.

Facts are never as salient as feelings.

Good units walk a thin line between indiscipline and ineffectiveness. Ignore the rules too often and you’ve got a mob, but enforce the rules too strictly and you’ve got a herd.

In life as in chess forethought wins.

We live in a time where government is not a leadership thing, it's more a business that's out there and running riot, so I guess the people have to go out there and say stuff.

We are here to witness the creation and to abet it.

The suffering caused by the terrorists is the real torture.

The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and just ain't spitting it out.

Sometimes I say things that I think are obviously sarcastic and people take them quite literally.

Don't ask whether it is going to be easy. Ask whether it is worth it.

If you think you are free, there is no escape possible.