Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?

People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.

It's all about self-esteem now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip-clubs?

You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can't have a favorite. Can't let them know know if you do. I don't. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.

In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story

If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.

I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.

We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.

Norm MacDonald is here - one of the funniest people ever. Norm's got a giant gambling problem. He's dropped more coin in a casino than Michael J. Fox at a parking meter.

The way a culture treats women in birth is a good indicator of how well women and their contributions to society are valued and honored.

Slick pimps, bribing civic kingpins, distill gin in stills, spiking drinks with illicit pills which might bring bliss.

With doing the movies I've done I don't think I would be half the person I am today.

My doctors say the more I continue to push, the more I can continue to raise that bar, the better I can get.

Well Bill Martin and Mike Schiff were the creators and they knew we had to do a family show. Everybody came at it from the angle of having been a kid and a teenager.

Eventually, I manage to cheer Mum up by allowing her to go through my wardrobe and criticize all my clothes.

To build wealth today, you must be in your own business.

I've been known to just pass out instantaneously, like, anywhere.

And I've been lucky in that I haven't had another job besides acting in the last five years.

I've seen whales calving in the waters off Maui, and I've watched my children being born. But music is the most beautiful thing of all.