Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

We may not always see eye to eye, but we can try to see heart to heart.

I've put up with more humiliation than I care to remember.

Drink from the stars and toss your hat over the moon.

I'm not a very religious man, but I'm proud to be a Jew.

In the wintertime, in the snow country, citrus fruit was so rare, and if you got one, it was better than ambrosia.

The way love feels is always only approximate. I would like to be without shame. I would like to be shameless. I would like to be ignorant. Then I would not know how ignorant I was.

Lyndon Johnson rose above the doubt and fear to hold this Nation on course until we rediscovered our faith in ourselves.

I used to hate, with a capitol H, making videos. It was nothing but a chore. It was something you had to do to have your music accepted in the visual medium.

I think of myself as a writer with a sense of humour rather than a comedy writer. Happy to tell a story with lots of jokes in it - I wouldn't know how to do jokes without the story.