Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there's nothing more touching to a mother's heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.

Women do not lie about their age. In fact, no woman ever has, its just that memory is the first thing to go.

Word of advice for any young man that might want to take out Malia or Sasha Obama - Their father can order an assassination, don't piss him off.

Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'.

Oh I'd be more than happy to hold, I'll just spend the time working on that brain tumor.

There are only a few things that are more entertaining than watching a cat trying to run across a freshly waxed wood floor after a ball.

If a 6 foot tall talking Badger comes to your door with a great deal on health insurance, be certain to ask if it includes in-patient psychiatric care.

The Black Pit of Despair is temporarily closed for renovations. We apologize for any inconvenience.

What surfaced was the surprising power of our cultural heritage.

Just think of me as a canvas and you as the paint, and try and imagine that we are creating a masterpiece that’s so beautiful, that no other piece of art could rival its beauty.” - Clint

I can no longer serve justice in the way I have attempted to do during the past 30 years - I can do it only in the way I have now chosen.

When I'm walking around, I'm usually drinking pop, so I can't have a mask on. That's why I couldn't be a surgeon.

It is in the highest interests of the devil to persuade the world that religious people are disagreeable.

We're not fair weather friends. We've been in places for a long, long time.

Journalists should think of themselves as outside the Establishment, and owners can't be too worried about what they're told at their country clubs.

The work of many of the greatest men, inspired by duty, has been done amidst suffering and trial and difficulty. They have struggled against the tide, and reached the shore exhausted.

Many things are formidable, and none more formidable than man.

The man gave a shrug which indicated that, although the world did indeed have many problems, this was one of them that was not his.