Son, the greatest trick the Devil pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him.

Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies.

To this day I don’t know if he was struggling with the moral implications of gunning down half a dozen civilians, or if he was mentally counting to see if he had that many shells left in the gun.

When a man plans, a woman laughs.

Welcome to freakdom, Dave. It’ll be time to start a Web site soon, where you’ll type out everything in one huge paragraph.

Here’s exclusive Channel 5 video of a local man having his brain eaten by a winged gremlin. Local gremlin experts warn that—

... life is a flickering candle we all carry around. A gust of wind, a meaningless accident, a microsecond of carelessness, and it's out. Forever.

You see, time is an ocean, not a garden hose. Space is a puff of smoke, a wisp of cloud.

My melon soulCrushed by your Gallagher of apathy

I'm scared David""That's good, because there's lots to be afraid of

I tried to say something cool, wound up stammering something like, “WANNA YOU WANNA WEENIE ME?” The end kind of trailed off in a shrill, choking warble.

For too long, unfunded federal mandates have drained the budgets of states and communities. The strength and vitality of our communities must be restored.

We should never forget that God granted us the power to reason so that we would do His work here on Earth - so that we would use science to cure disease, and heal the sick, and save lives.

I started going to rock shows at a really young age, and seeing other young people make music definitely influenced me.

God pity the man of science who believes in nothing but what he can prove by scientific methods; for if ever a human being needed divine pity, he does.

And why is it the best looking ones are always straight?

Never miss an opportunity to say a word of congratulation upon anyone's achievement.

It takes a checkbook to change the world

There's plenty of fire in the coldest flint!

I know my boyfriend loves to have something to hold onto. Theres a lot of men out there who do.

Now I've got the world swingin' from my nuts And damn it feels good to be a gangsta!