Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

My flesh winced, in cowardice, from such a death.

A garden, you know, is a very usual refuge of a disappointed politician. Accordingly, I have purchased a few acres about nine miles from town, have built a house, and am cultivating a garden.

The world was made partly that there may be prayer; partly that our prayers might be answered.

Words reduce reality to something the human mind can grasp, which isn’t very much.

I hate the word proper. If you tell me a thing is not proper, I immediately feel the most rabid desire to go 'neck and heels' into it.

Our material possessions, like our joys, are enhanced in value by being shared. Hoarded and unimproved property can only afford satisfaction to a miser.

One word of God can do more than ten thousand words of men to relieve a distressed soul.

In my kids school, the married family is an anomaly which I do think is sad. I do believe in marriage.

Gratitude opens your heart, and opening your heart is a wonderful and easy way for God to slip in.

Let us not be justices of the peace, but angels of peace.