Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

Where are all the sour patch parents?

Never send to know for whom the bells tolls

Once you read something, you can't erase it from your brain.

I try. I am trying. I was trying. I will try. I shall in the meantime try. I sometimes have tried. I shall still by that time be trying.

Environmentalists have a very conflicted relationship with their cars.

The best way to begin is to say: 'Balthus is a painter of whom nothing is known. And now let us have a look at the paintings'.

Success and average don't have nothing to do with each other.

Miserliness is a capital quality to run in families; it's the safe side for madness to dip on.

I've still got both kidneys, but one doesn't work, so I have to be careful not to drink too much, even water, and I have to keep myself as healthy as possible.

It's not always what you say that matters, sometimes it's what you don't say.

I can't tell you how proud I am to be the head coach of the Buffalo Bills.