Stand-up don't get no respect - it's the hardest thing to do in show business. You don't have no band and there's no music.

Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.

My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.

And when I was angry, when I was younger, I was in a cocoon. Now I'm a beautiful, black butterfly.

Bad news travels at the speed of light; good news travels like molasses.

I have snakes, three sharks, moray eels, piranhas, five scorpions and a bird spider. All of them are predators. They are dangerous but it's cool to have strong and powerful pets.

I see knowledge of self. I know who I am. When I look in the mirror, I see me.

Don't follow in my footsteps. Be original, and create your own path. Be a trailblazer! Do you! Be better than me. Do you! Be happy and have joy in your life.

I love my mother. My mother made sure, her stubbornness - she made sure we was going to eat. She made sure we had Christmases. That was my mother. My father wasn't there for that.

My father said: "If you want to catch your girl cheating, you knock on the front door and run to the back, because he's coming out the back."

I love this cornbread so much, I wanna take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant.

The towering genius is not apolitical.

Suicide is the night train, speeding your way to darkness.

We can't find the cat, We don't know where she's at, Oh, where did she go?Does anyone know?Let's ask this walking hat.

The world is a projection of our collective consciousness. If our collective consciousness reaches that place of peace, harmony, laughter and love, it will be a different world.

The blood of a nation ought never to be shed except for its own preservation in the utmost extremity.

The sale begins when the customer says yes.

I slept with my mom until I was 16 years old.

I have been involved in Internet-related policy for approximately one decade, and I have been using the Internet myself for almost that period of time.

Maybe they’re customers. (Simone) For a doll store? Yes, I can just see them now…I’ll take the frilly pink baby doll. (Liza)

No, I knew when I was doing theater in New York that this was what I was supposed to be doing.