Stand-up is live, so I'm used to being live for most of my career. It's interesting.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

You don't spend twenty years of your life in the service and not have a warm, nostalgic feeling left in you. It's a small service, and there's a lot of esprit de corps.

When you empty yourself of the illusions of who and what you think you are, there is less to lose than you had feared.

What I have tried to do is involve the people I was photographing... if they were willing to give, I was willing to photograph.

Maybe something new is even being done by people who see our generation as an enemy. That can create energy as well.

Noblest minds are easiest bent.

Real Democrats don't abandon the middle class.

[On Hollywood:] This is no town for a come back, people are too unsure of themselves.

Now Daddy is part of God. I guess when you die you become much more bigger, because you're part of everything.

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

Every true man's apparel fits your thief.