Stand-up is the place where you can do things that you could never do in public.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.

I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anyone else to feel like that.

If women ran the world, we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?

Don't associate yourself with toxic people. It's better to be alone and love yourself than surrounded by people that make you hate yourself.

Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.

Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Who knows, my friend? Maybe the sword does have some magic. Personally, I think it's the warrior who wields it.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

If I'm engrossed in a book, I have to rearrange my thoughts before I can mingle with other people, because otherwise they might think I was strange.

The roof of my house is covered in solar panels. When Im home, Im a pretty green fellow.

It also didn't take me long to decide that Tri-Cities wasn't for me, and that I wasn't going to go there to play basketball.

Life is what happens when you make other plans.

Biochemically, love is just like eating large amounts of chocolate.

You're always trying to seize any opportunity or hold on to one if you already have it. It was just a matter of going out there and producing for the team.

Those things that are the most obvious are the very things we've most likely to overlook.

There is first the literature of KNOWLEDGE, and secondly, the literature of POWER. The function of the first is -- to teach; the function of the second is -- to move.