Stand-up is what I am; stand-up is what made me.

When I get a chance to play golf or go on a boat with good people, take the boat out and put some lobsters on the grill, get the ice-cold beer and the cigars - that's heaven here on earth.

Whatever you hear at the barber shop, stays at the barber shop.

Whatever success I've had, I always like to top it.

You can't change what happened. Just like you can't change the future by worrying about it. You just have to keep moving.

When it comes to raising children, I believe in give and take. I give orders and they take 'em.

I'm not afraid to fail. Sometimes when you lose, you win. Sometimes when you win, you lose.

I can't build myself by beating somebody down.

Suffering is a good teacher. It keeps you in its grip until you've learned your lesson.

If you mess something up, remember who got you there. Don't be pointing fingers, even if finger-pointing is called for. Only one you got to blame is your own self.

You know you poor when you eatin' breakfast food late. You fryin' toast? At nine o'clock at night? With bacon? You're broke.

Answer only when asked, otherwise do not say anything. Don't say a thing in this world. To tell [give advice] is the biggest disease. Your beard grows without you saying anything, doesn't it?

There is a difference between eating and drinking for strength and from mere gluttony.

It is a valuable thing for an intelligencer to be forgotten.

Follow your heart a little more and listen to your head a little less.

Words are like weapons; they wound sometimes.

The more you are focused on time-past and future-the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.

I'm shocked, like all of us, including Donald Trump, 'cause let's not pretend that even Donald Trump thought he was going to win this election.

For me, poetry is the colour of Elizabeth Taylor's eyes, or the pauses in Pinter's plays - only the pauses, not the words.

I had confidence that as long as we did our work well and were good to our customers, there would be no limit to us.