Stand-up was like being on a Barbie townhouse stage.

I know, it's weird that I've never done a musical. I turned down two of them. 'The Lion King' and 'The Producers.' I turned two of the biggest Broadway musicals down, am I a mess?

I'm crass, contemptuous and crude, obstreperous, obnoxious, rambunctiously raw and rude.

Look, you're either loved or hated. Which is a good thing, as Bette Davis used to say.

I mean, the things you think will never happen, you have to confront; those things that come into your life that you thought you never could deal with, you do.

Who do you think I am, Pete Rose? I don't bet. I come from a long line of compulsive gamblers. Gambling scares me.

I wouldn't live with me, believe me. I'm moody.

I love animation, I really do, but I don't do it for the children.

I like to hold a book. When someone sends me a script, I ask for a hard copy or print one out.

I love doing scripted things. What little acting ability I have I am holding on with my hangnails.

I won't do reality. That is done. And I don't want people following me around with a camera 24 hours a day.

As long as they were together, they could face anything. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel alone—and she knew he didn’t either.

Believe that a further shore is reachable from here.

It's like pretending to be Santa and then stabbing someone with a candy cane!

When stuck in the river, it is best to dive and swim to the bank yourself before someone drops a large stone on your chest in an attempt to hoosh you there.

I think death has a right to its own courage and dignity and self-respect.

You try to become the character that you're working with. So for me, I try to block out the cameras and try to trick my mind that this is actually happening.

Earlier tonight the second Republican debate took place here in California. With 10 men and only one woman, everyone thought they were watching 'The Bachelorette.'

In the end, for congenial sympathy, for poetry, for work, for original feeling and expression, for perfect companionship with one's friends--give me the country.

You can pay for school, but you can't buy class

There's no point in living in an alternate reality.