Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

There are so many people around the world in need of high-quality education and really starving for education.

All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth.

That arithmetic is the basest of all mental activities is proved by the fact that it is the only one that can be accomplished by a machine.

Let's think about how we can bring economic development, let's see if people could learn a little more of the rule of law, rather than the rule of man, which is kind of what you see in China.

To look into that persons eyes and find yourself so completely lost in another world, a world full of absolute comfort and happiness.

Treat everyone with kindness, dignity, compassion and respect, irrespective of whether you think they understand or not.

They say that parenting is like dancing. You take one step, your child takes another.

I went to college because I felt like I was supposed to. I graduated from public high school and I did all the things that I was supposed to do.

That Book, the Bible, accounts for the supremacy of England. England has become great & happy by the knowledge of the true God through Jesus Christ.

The experience and behavior that gets labeled schizophrenic is a special strategy that a person invents in order to live in an unlivable situation.