Stick your head above the crowd and eventually somebody will throw a rock at it.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.

If you put a Van Halen album in your record collection, it will melt all the rest of your records.

If I dream by myself, it's merely a dream. But if we all dream together, that's the start of a new future.

Every man must have a philosophy of life, for everyone must have a standard by which to measure his conduct. And philosophy is nothing but a standard by which to measure.

She might have been there for you in the aftermath, but I was there when everything came crashing down.

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires.

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.

And remember don't high post when you're far from home, and high posting when you're all alone.

To forget the elderly is to ignore the wisdom of the years.

West of Arkham the hills rise wild, and there are valleys with deep woods that no axe has ever cut.

We are not by nature cruel.

When you're true to your heart, you're infusing your self with meaning.