Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

The male gender remembers only the things that entertain them.

Magic is the fifth fundamental force and is even more mysterious than gravity, which is really saying something.

In my world there's no room for hate or discrimination in the White House. I will be an outspoken voice against that every time.

Design in black and white. Add color for emphasis, when your design is complete.

If your words do not have a smile, if you do not talk heart to heart, and you decide everything with your head, it is better to keep a dog as a friend rather than you.

I'm not blaming my mom for my life because I am responsible for me and nobody can change me or ruin me easier than I can.

Giving kindness does as much good as receiving it...Kind people are healthier and live longer.

A defendant on trial for a specific crime is entitled to his day in court, not in a stadium or a city or nationwide arena.

Management has no divine rights.

I would rather die going to the west than live by staying in the east.