Successful people are the ones who are breaking the rules.

Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don't need to escape from.

You can listen to what people say, sure. But you will be far more effective if you listen to what people do.

Leadership is the art of giving people a platform for spreading ideas that work.

The job isn't to catch up to the status quo; the job is to invent the status quo.

As our society gets more complex and our people get more complacent, the role of the jester is more vital than ever before. Please stop sitting around. We need you to make a ruckus.

Optimism is the most important human trait, because it allows us to evolve our ideas, to improve our situation, and to hope for a better tomorrow.

Don't find customers for your products, find products for your customers.

Fitting in is a short-term strategy that gets you nowhere. Standing out is a long-term strategy that takes guts and produces results.

Social Networking that matters is helping people archive their goals. Doing it reliably and repeatability so that over time people have an interest in helping you achieve your goals.

You are not your resume, you are your work.

Hit me with spit on the wounds.

Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been.

Metal is easily my favorite thing - Exodus and Anthrax and Megadeth - so it just kind of organically came through in the standup act.

Taco Bell is going to start selling nachos and chicken nuggets wrapped in a tortilla. In other words, thank God we're going to keep Obamacare.

To say that most of us today are purely expansive is only another way of saying that most of us continue to be more concerned with the quantity than with the quality of our democracy.

Writing is a political instrument.

Knowledge is not enough to get desired results. You must have the more elusive ability to teach and to motivate. This defines a leader; if you can't teach and you can't motivate, you can't lead.

There ain't anything that is so interesting to look at as a place that a book has talked about.

Maybe there'll be a simple, innocent explanation. I don't think so, because I think we would have offered that up already.

God never gives us discernment in order that we may criticize, but that we may intercede.