Suffice to say, many women find their first appearance on a comedy panel show to be their last. Second chances seem to be given less often to the female of the species.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people think I kill for fun.”“Don’t y

Never underestimate a bookworm

Only the dead have seen the end of the war.

When I make a work, I often take it to the very edge of its collapse, and that's a very beautiful balance.

When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.

God is letting me shine, because I've got a good heart.

Life in LA is not lying in the sun for months. It is having a 4pm meeting and leaving at noon to sit in traffic for four hours. Its not glam.

If Unix could present the same face, the same capabilities, on machines of many different types, it could serve as a common software environment for all of them.

Wealth does not bring excellence, but that wealth comes from excellence.

Are men shallow? Should we be looking for inner beauty? Ha, ha.