Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

I was not the hot, popular girl in school.

In the long run, most of us spend about fifteen minutes total in the entanglements of passion, and the rest of our days looking back on it, humming the tune.

When giving to others do not linger on thoughts of a giving, what was given, or the one who has received.

Understanding is but the sum of misunderstandings.

False pleasures come from without and are imperfect: happiness is internal and our own.

Astronomy compels the soul to look upwards and leads us from this world to another.

Every serious man in dealing with really serious subjects carefully avoids writing. ... There does not exist, nor will there ever exist, any writing of mine dealing with this subject.

You can never go too far wrong by thinking like a customer who’s new to the business.

Yeah, well, it’s what happens when we spoil the things we love. They don’t always understand the boundaries and their ridiculous wants can get us killed if we’re not careful. (Jaden)

If we’re born to inquire, then why must it be taught?