Suicide is cheating the doctor out of job.

Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

Health is like money, we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it.

The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.

Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.

The happiest time in any man's life is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

The paradox of relaxation is the renewal of mind

The man least dependent upon the morrow goes to meet the morrow most cheerfully.

How does one control weight? By not overeating. How does one stay in shape? One plays sports. There are no magic pills here.

When I go home, the last thing I want to do is read about the popular lore of vampires.

I dont know if hell exists, but there sure as hell are some people who dont belong in heaven.

Whenever I indulge my sense of humor, it gets me into trouble.

Guitar Hero has been so successful that a lot of people were questioning how it was possible to innovate on the most successful franchise of its kind.

It's a moral problem that the government is making into criminals people, who may be doing something you and I don't approve of, but who are doing something that hurts nobody else.

I very much hope that when my wife reads my writings so she reads it as if she is a character and not the real one. Sometimes she takes it too personally.

What I would argue in my defence is that shows like Britain's Got Talent and The X Factor have actually got people more interested in music again and are sending more people into record stores.