Summer and the laugh of my daughter make me believe in god.

I need someone to eat breakfast with and watch AdventureTime with! Then, do other miscellaneous things that you can't say on Twitter!

I knew I was going to do something great. I knew I wasn't going to die 20 miles from where I was born, no 20 miles from where I lived.

You can build a business, or you can run it, but there’s only two ways it can be run, you can run it straight, or you can run it into the ground.

I come from divorce. I'm only doing marriage once. It's not a game for me.

You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.

As a child I understood how to give; I have forgotten this grace since I became civilized.

When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first.

Most of our imports come from other countries

Your driving is unpleasant, but it isn't technically unsafe.

Of all God's gifts to the sighted man, color is holiest, the most divine, the most solemn.

A zygote is the beginning of a new human being (i.e., an embryo).

Companies will often use the legal system to scare people away from attacking them. But we all should be free to make critical statements about anybody, unless those statements are malicious.

Rest is the sweet sauce of labor.