Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead. The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

Not being heard is no reason for silence.

What you keep alive is what you truly care about, no matter how many times you die in the process.

Nature was my kindergarten.

The repeated announcements that the Russian resistance was definitely broken have been proved to be untrue.

I believe that challenges can push us beyond what we might otherwise be able to accomplish.

Why do we have such a finite capacity for pleasure but an infinite one for pain?

Eat your words! Eat your words! I am the greatest.

It is so difficult to make a neat job of killing people with whom one is not on friendly terms.

An important consequence of freeing oneself from the fear of death is a radical opening to spirituality of a universal and non-denominational type.

Creativity is the most practical thing a businessman can employ.