Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Politics, as the word is commonly understood, are nothing but corruptions.

I'm not sure that it's easy to find very interesting female characters in Hollywood movies.

My goal is this: always to put myself in the place in which I am best able to serve, wherever my gifts and qualities find the best soil to grow, the widest field of action. There is no other goal.

I like to make books. To me, it's just as great to have some book of mine be in a flea market as it is to have a picture in a museum.

There is nothing which one regards so much with an eye of mirth and pity as innocence when it has in it a dash of folly.

Warriors say: I dare not be like the host, but would rather be like the guest. I dare not advance an inch, but would rather retreat a foot.

I don't believe pumpkin pie is even made from pumpkin. I mean, how can something that smells that shitty make a pie so sweet? There's not enough sugar in the universe.

Be nice until it becomes a habit. Give thanks like it is second nature.

Leadership is the ability to influence people and motivate them to do what needs to be done to accomplish a goal, vision, or mission.

Quantum mechanics is so counter-intuitive, physicists have never been able to come up with a comfortable picture of how it works.