Sure the jews killed jesus, but the guy was an awful carpenter

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

We are called to be architects of the future, not its victims.

People of noble character are afraid of keeping friendship with dishonorable people. But people of discreditable character consider friendship with the dishonorable as a blood relationship.

I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated.

I have no control over what people think of me but I have 100% control of what I think of myself.

Meeting people unlike oneself does not enlarge one's outlook; it only confirms one's idea that one is unique.

In every death, a busy world comes to an end.

Confine your kissing to the irresistible.

I hate perception. There's far too much of it in football

I can't swim at the level I used to. I had to retire because of an injury to my shoulder.

I just hate to lose. When I am on the court, it is like my life depends on it.