Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

Abortion is an atrocity. Those who practice or praise it are either damn idiots, misguided fools, or treacherous devils.

When you mature in your relationship with God you realize how suffering and patience are like eating your spiritual vegetables.

Empowered Women 101: You are either creating drama or creating memories together. The choice is yours.

Modern Humans have at least dealt out death fairly: We began our existence by killing each other.

The worst part about dreaming? You have to wake up.

Prominence is cool, but when the delusion kicks in it can be a drag. Especially if you choose to surround yourself with friends and not acolytes.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

And, after all, what is a lie? 'Tis but the truth in a masquerade.

"World War III, was the Cold War, and the U.S. won it".

Be not afeard; the isle is full of noises.

There's no point in being scared of just trying.