Talking about my personal life onstage, I've realized I'm not one of those comics who can do that. I can allude to it but I don't want to be a confessional performer.

Once you use a toothbrush to clean a pencil sharpener, you should no longer use it to clean your teeth.

Just because something makes you smile or laugh ... doesn't mean it's a joke.

I don't even drink Coke. It tastes like robot sweat.

I like to do things that are new, where I feel the sense of discovery.

I wanted to get paid to sharpen pencils originally just because I thought it would be fun.

I felt really conflicted about making money off stuff that's creatively satisfying.

The way you make money is to do something you don't like to do. And that's how you know you're a virtuous person.

Everyone has pencils in their house, no matter how hip and contemporary they are.

It would be amazing to tell my grandchildren, like, 'Yeah, I was paid to sharpen 1,000 pencils.'

The type of pop culture that is honestly very moving and powerful to me is [when artists] do their homework. They make it real.

God unconditionally loves us.

Life is impoverished, it loses in interest, when the highest stake in the game of living, life itself, may not be risked. It becomes as shallow and empty as, let us say, an American flirtation.

Kalki is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am madly in love with her.

A person who does not read is no better than one cannot read.

Sentimentality is loving something more than God does.

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.

God works powerfully, but for the most part gently and gradually.

I've come to understand that there's always something positive, even in a negative situation.

All attempts to coerce the living will of human beings into the service of something they do not want must fail

It’s better to make a decision, even the wrong one, than to be in limbo.