Tasers are a one-size-fits-all paranormal butt-kicking option. Mine’s pink withrhinestones.

...sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I get bored. And sometimes all I want, more than anything else in the world, is to go on a freaking date.

What do you think? Does this face make me look fat?

I guess I can't blame him for feeling bitter. Going from being the terror of Bulgarian nights to a janitor would kinda suck

Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless

You cannot control faeries. Can. Not. They aren't logical or rational. They don't obey the same laws (physical, social, emotional, traffic - you name it) that we do.

You'll be fine, just some minor burns and hypothermia, which was kind of hard to explain.

Yo soy carne muerta. Translation: I am dead meat.

Plus as she put it, Prince Eric was far too hairy and peach colored for her taste. I always thought he was pretty hott, but then again, I am a mammal.

Nothing truly wild is unclean.

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

She stood in the mirror portrait very near Margaret, close next to her, good as a mother or a friend.

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.

I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking

I love writing for the screen.

I cannot give it to you, so try to watch me.

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

I had some tough times. Now that I look back on it, I'm very grateful for those times. I know now that I needed them. But at the time you think, 'Man, I wish I could just get to the major leagues!'

Sexual harassment at work... is it a problem for the self-employed?