Taxes for people with too much damned time on their hands.

False hope is better than no hope at all.

Love is like skydiving without a parachute.

Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.

A person without regrets is called a corpse.

A wedding is no way to begin a marriage.

What if there's no such thing as PMS, and this is just my personality?

You guys gotta get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father.

Expect stupid. It's everywhere.

The trouble with insanity is it can flare up at the most inconvenient moments.

If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago.

Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy - the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation.

There is no heaven or afterlife for broken-down computers that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark.

Something about the fact that an African American had, given the long sad history of our country, now become President - that was exhilarating.

I just like testing myself. I just have that thing in me. Whatever it is that people tell me I can't do, I've gotta try it.

If you want to make an ordinary man happy, or think that he is happy, give him money, power, flattery, gifts, honours. If you want to make a wise man happy - improve yourself!

Laugh every chance you get. Laughter is sure to break the bonds of negativity that may be lurking about.

I like delivering a message, but what I find interesting is providing those details in a different context. Then the readers can make up their minds what it means.

It's hard to keep the energy and the emotion of the scene when they're installing a massive green screen behind you.

Gentlemen, let's get the thing straight once and for all. The policeman isn't there to create disorder. The policeman is there to preserve disorder.

I have my mother’s mouth and my father’s eyes; on my face they are still together.