Teacher, teacher, I declare, I see your purple underwear.

You want to fall in love with a shoe, go ahead. A shoe can't love you back, but, on the other hand, a shoe can't hurt you too deeply either. And there are so many nice-looking shoes.

Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage.

Success is like winning the sweepstakes or getting killed in an automobile crash. It always happens to somebody else.

Do not make a stingy sandwich; pile the cold cuts high; so you should see salami coming through the rye.

The head coach don't want no sissies, so he reads to us from something called Ulysses.

A committee is a group of individuals who all put in a perfectly good color, and it comes out gray.

The difference between reality and unreality is that reality has so little to recommend it.

I had moved out of the Edison Hotel because I couldn't pay the bill and was living at the Lincoln Hotel, where I couldn't pay the bill either, but it was cheaper.

Grandma cheated whenever she could. She cheated because it was a much more scientific and surer way of winning than trusting to luck.

A "Normal" person is the sort of person that might be designed by a committee. You know, "Each person puts in a pretty color and it comes out gray."

In the real world, the tests are all open book.

When I lose, I drink, and when I win I celebrate.

I feel like a lot of life is distasteful and embarrassing. And you just push through it. You fix what you can, and you let time pass.

And personally, I've lost my thirst for vengeance.

As far as in my career, I don't know what other form there is. I would love to do a talk show.

Certain people do need to stay in character the whole time, and that's just what they require as a person.

How is it even sustainable in 21st-century America, that women earn, on average, 77 cents for every dollar earned by men?

Art feeds off art...and artists feed off artists.

Do not run away, it is cowardice.

I'm able to live as an example of what I believe.