'Teachers Lounge' is a web series I co-created with Hollis James. We intentionally left the apostrophe out to turn 'Lounge' into a verb. The show is about teachers lounging around, wasting time.

I often think about my future wife and how lax she's been about getting in touch with me.

I'm keeping in shape, you know, gotta look good for the ladies - and certain guys. Hey, I can't control who's looking. I just gotta bring the heat.

You'll get them tomorrow. You gave it a good shot. Keep your chin up.

The more you perform, the more adept you get at the nuances of navigating that communal conversation.

I belong to a gym now... well, let me rephrase that: I don't belong there at all, but I go.

The blues is a hopeful music. It helps you process something rather than avoid it. It's like mourning, in essence.

I think there comes a time in any comedian's career where they can either coast or keep growing and evolving.

Comedy takes all of life and puts it through a lens of acceptance, just by the mere act of talking about it on stage in a communal setting. It's very primal and ritualistic in that sense.

Inherent in mourning is celebration. Mourning without celebration or some form of acceptance leaves you stuck.

Comedians act every night on stage, so they have great performing chops. They especially know how to play themselves, which is how we set 'Teachers Lounge' up.

You could only be stopped from being happy, successful, or great through your thoughts and beliefs.

Authorities arrest me, release me, and then invite me back to host public events. I think it's interesting.

We got rid of a terrible dictator. We gave the Iraqi people an opportunity for a new life under a representative form of government.

Life is like a box of chocolates, I'm a nerd and I read books

I like writing letters and receiving letters. It's a shame that we've lost the art of letter-writing and saving correspondence. I mourn that.

Look, at some point, people have to tell their kids that Santa Claus isn't real. I hate to be the guy to do it, but it's just not real.

I never divide photographers into creative and uncreative, I just call them photographers. Who is creative? How do you know who is creative or not?

Women are much more comfortable making their own style rules now. They want pieces that will make their busy lives easier.

One day, someone will get too close to the television, and I will pull them into this hell with me.

But this too is true: stories can save us.