Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

We realized that the version of the world they rendered for us was not the world they really believed in...

Historical exclusivity often has a way of turning into present and institutionalized tragedy. Whose story gets told matters.

I wouldn't touch Chimbonda with a barn door

I've always felt that improv looks and feels more clever when you're there to experience it live than when you have the degree of separation that television creates. Television raises expectations.

In Antarctica you get to know people so well that in comparison you do not seem to know the people in civilization at all.

If such a thing had happened once, it must surely have happened many times in this galaxy of a hundred billion suns.

No longer can a young woman feel at ease; for she is ever concerned with the impression that she may be making on others.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of my body, I just don't see any reason to not cover it up as much as possible. ... I'm someone who considered becoming a nun, for the outfit.

It's always good to see that someone can go out of Iceland and do some things.

Parties can't be artificially assembled at the Kremlin.