Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Failing is easy, but climbing up the mountain requires strategy, commitment, endurance, and the iron will to keep trying till you reach the summit.

Politics, as a trade, finds most and leaves nearly all dishonest.

We're living in hard times.

Ever since the movie premiered at Cannes, I've had a sudden surge of scripts and interest.

Ever since I got married I've been thinking night and day about whose fault it was, and every time I think about it, out comes a new fault to eat up the old one; but always there's a fault left.

Crosses are of no use to us but inasmuch as we yield ourselves up to them and forget ourselves.

I moved to New York from California when I was 11, so initially I was seen as the California person for a while. I didn't feel like I was popular, but I did feel confident.

Beware the toils of war ... the mesh of the huge dragnet sweeping up the world.

If you cannot live the way you want, there is no point in living.

If you get bored with the person you married for love, there's something wrong with you - not with that person.