Television is a weapon of mass distractrion.

Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be, let me tell you. Honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

The only way to avoid age discrimination in Hollywood is to die young.

I think the greatest imagination we can exercise is one that imagines how someone else feels. Because you know how you feel, but so often we attribute our own feelings on to someone else.

Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not the legs that go first; it's remembering the word for legs.

I write what I write and I honestly don't care if it gets on or not. I'm writing to see if I can find out some of what I think about any number of situations. I work it out in the writing.

We may be born equal but we're not equally talented.

Most jokes state a bitter truth.

If Hitler’s still alive, I hope he’s out of town with a musical.

Wo-man: A male mind driving a female body!

A change of style is a change of meaning.

I simply can't imagine the world will ever be normal again for us. I do talk about "after the war," but it's as if I'm talking about a castle in the air, something that can never come true.

It's a long, uphill fight to get back to original orthodoxy. We have two 'originalists' on the Supreme Court. That's something.

Anyone with an ailment or who wears glasses or anyone slightly different suddenly wears a bull's eye. I think that dodgeball derailed an entire generation of Americans. It's the true red menace.

The yearbook voted me most likely to be scraped off an onramp by a puking fireman.

We're going to look awfully stupid if we give income tax relief to people who do not pay income taxes.

No great television show has ever rested on just one person. They're all about great ensembles and storytelling.

Worry drains the mind of its power and, sooner or later, it injures the soul

Too frequent rewards indicate that the general is at the end of his resources; too frequent punishments that he is in acute distress.