Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.

In the absence of ancient hatreds, chauvinism can easily rustle up modern ones.

While chasing the moon that was about to set, she missed the sunrise.

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.

Putting your ego aside and confronting your weaknesses and just letting things happen is hard. Not to use a Scientology term, but it's difficult to do an emotional or an artistic audit.

I do find that the mainstream media oftentimes is what I would consider off base or has a bias.

I have never given up on men easily.

What does it say about a society that it devotes more care and patience to the selection of those who handle its money than of those who handle its children?

I started going gray in my early twenties.

Nor yet be overeager in pursuit of any thing; for the mercurial too often happen to leave judgment behind them, and sometimes make work for repentance.