Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

How stubborn life is, It clings like silver in our souls.

But I feel more real when I'm around her. Like I'm not fading.

My mom always said, 'Marry someone smarter than yourself, Katee, because No. 1, you're not that smart. And No. 2, then you'll have smart babies.'

Science knows only one commandment - contribute to science.

I believe that if you have faith in your own abilities then in the end others will have faith in them too, even if they need a little persuading.

Faithfulness and sincerity are the highest things.

I read the script [Havenhurst] and I went to bed, but I woke up because somebody had knocked on my door. Or at least it seemed like somebody knocked on my door at, like, 4 in the morning.

I love being funny! I started in the theater when I was 9 and, believe it or not, always played the funny part!

That's what I was gonna say. It seems like songwriters should express who they are through what they're doing rather than trying to go legit in that way.

Anyone who's tried to pay a heating bill, fill a prescription, or simply buy groceries knows all too well that the current minimum wage does not cut the mustard.