Terrorists, oh I'm sorry, Fox News tells us it's all illegal immagration's fault but it's not their fault, it's ours.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

Then, sometime during the fourth year, the omens will abandon you, because you've stopped listening to them.

My friend, the Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh, was murdered in 2004 for having been insufficiently reverent toward Islam.

I wouldn't put it past God to arrange a virgin birth if He wanted, but I very much doubt if He would.

I don't give a damn about semi-radicals!

It does not seem a year Since last we sent to you Our wishes for your special day And all that you would do.

Love can do much, but duty more.

To win hearts, smile kindly on people's weaknesses.

When you meet someone who is truly great, he makes you believe you can be great, too.

I download music just like anybody else, but it's a weird relationship when you're a musician.

It is more important to be a good person than a good player.