Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Nothing's so apt to undermine your confidence in a product as knowing that the commercial selling it has been approved by the company that makes it.

Things just always seem to lead to the logical next step.

In contemporary society [the typical lady] is an archaism, and can't hardly understand herself unless she knows her own history.

What the world wants iz [sic] good examples, not so mutch advice; advice may be wrong, but examples prove themselves.

I think you have different soulmates throughout your life.

When I'm with a man, my work takes second place - all I really want to do is get through the day so I can rush home to be with him. That's because my man is the most important part of my life.

I played with Barbies but I used to decapitate them. I used to take their heads off then dye their hair and do weird things.

that's what everybody wants, just a little more money, even the people who have it.

I am the happiest man alive. I have that in me that can convert poverty to riches, adversity to prosperity, and I am more invulnerable than Archilles; Fortune hath not one place to hit me.