Thank you... Apple, for adding a camera to the iPod Nano. Now it's just like the iPhone except it can't make calls. So basically, it's just like the iPhone.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

...strength is not the absence of vulnerability. Strength is knowing what your weaknesses are and working with them.

It is such a letdown to rise from the dead and have your friends not recognize you.

There is no limit of what you can or don't do! as the word itself gives you the strength to survive called friendship..

I never wanted to really make a career out of doing Christian music exclusively, but I love it to my core. I love music. I love what I'm doing now.

If your business isn’t optimised for mobile, it might as well be invisible. Mobile isn’t going to be a medium. It’s going to be the medium.

Marxism is the opium of the Marxists.

So when I'm in that teddy bear suit, I'm like a creepy, sexy baby.

But I suppose film is distinctive because of its nature, of its being able to cut through time with editing.

I fear / the place I have / in the memory of others. / They remind me of things / I myself have forgot.

And also I think particularly as a female, you're taught to be defensive your whole life. You're taught not to be aggressive.