Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.

The act of taking the first step is what separates the winners from the losers.

There's one good thing about a mistake. As long as you're alive, you still have time to fix it.

Don’t be anxious of circumstances, gain X-factor to face it.

I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.

You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.

And I rose In rainy autumn And walked abroad in a shower of all my days.

Sometimes people do things that are complicated. For complicated reasons.

Fame may go by and - so long, I've had you.

Don't bring negative to my door.

Making ourselves feel ugly is not fun." "We are ugly.