Thank you for calling customer service. If you're calm and rational, press 1. If you're a whiner, press 2. If you're a hot head, press 3

What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.

He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.

It's called 'reading'. It's how people install new software into their brains.

Honey, when you say we can't communicate... what exactly do you mean?

When the gods are angry with a man they give him what he asks for.

No one wants to see curvy women.

I am quite an early riser - I usually get up between 5.30 and 6am and take the dogs out.

Women do two thirds of the world's work. Yet they earn only one tenth of the world's income and own less than one percent of the world's property. They are among the poorest of the world's poor.

Think of color, pitch, loudness, heaviness, and hotness. Each is the topic of a branch of physics

Be mindful of your self-talk. It's a conversation with the universe.

If I am part of a group of 100 people, do 99 people have the right to sentence me to death, just because they are majority?

It feels good to know that I am safe and I am loved.

There is no history of artthere is the history of artists.

Hearing a crowd scream is the coolest sound in the world. It can motivate me to do anything.