Thank your readers and the critics who praise you, and then ignore them. Write for the most intelligent, wittiest, wisest audience in the universe: Write to please yourself.

You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.

The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.

I don't mind you thinking I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like I'm stupid.

K is for "Kenghis Khan"; He was a very nice person. History has no record of him. There is a moral in that, somewhere.

In these days of widespread illiteracy, functional illiteracy... anything that keeps people stupid is a felony.

The world is turning into a cesspool of imbeciles.

You must never be afraid to go there.

They minute people fall in love they become liars.

Posing the question: does the god of love use underarm deodorant, vaginal spray and fluoride toothpaste?

I hate being wrong, but I love it when I'm set straight.

Nearly all God's jewels are crystallized tears.

The people living darkness has seen a great light

You seemed so far away, " Miss Honey whispered, awestruck."Oh, I was. I was flying past the stars on silver wings, " Matilda said. "It was wonderful.

Everything is figureoutable

In the mean time I worship God, laying every wrong action under an interdict which I endeavour to respect, and I loathe the wicked without doing them any injury.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

I think what happened there was just the budget would be too big to build these sets because nothing really exists here in New York of that period; you have to build it all.

Most benefactors are like unskillful generals who take the city and leave the citadel intact.

If the money's right, I'll do a film.

I would live with all of my sisters if I could. We've always been very close, my sisters and me.