That is the most confusing and insane thing to me, when people get offended on behalf of another group.

I hate that when people are like, "Well, all dwarves know each other, right?" And you want to get mad, but you can't because we do.

I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.

It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

Comedian makes the statement that just isn't true.

I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.

It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.

I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.

A life without adversity is just bland existence.

There’s class warfare, all right, but it’s my class, the rich class, that’s making war, and we’re winning.

You are not in the universe

When others see you at peace, they’re reminded of the value of tranquility - that is, you inspire them to be at peace.

The kingdom of music is not the kingdom of this world; it will accept those whom breeding and intellect and culture have alike rejected.

If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick.

I spent a lot of years working for Ralph Lauren, and he had so many copycats, from Tommy Hilfiger to Abercrombie & Fitch to J.Crew.

Nevada appeared to be a firewall for Hillary Clinton.

If you don't take risks you won't achieve anything.

I'm taking the indie filmmaker's approach to building my career and that approach is developing a relationship with the fans.