That kid's got an arm like Uncle Fester at an exhibition of Pre-Colombian... um, Christ, I lost it. I was going for something thick. So what's with the beard, Grizzly Fouts?

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

What you think, what you eat, and what you see today, shapes who you will be tomorrow.

At first the solitudecharmed me like a prelude, but so much music wounded me.

I think you have to live inside your contradictions and find a way to accept that that's the human condition - to be forced to live in contradiction.

No one is more triumphant than the man who chooses a worthy subject and masters all its facts.

I'm not afraid to die. I'm looking forward to it. I know the Lord has His arms wrapped around this big sparrow.

You accuse a woman of wavering affections, but don't blame her; she is just looking for a consistent man.

As the world is weary of me so am I of it.

Spending energy to understand the audience and carefully crafting a message that resonates with them means making a commitment of time and discipline to the process.

We cannot fight new wars with old weapons.