That's another piece of advice: Don't go to college follow your dreams. Unless you're a doctor - then go to college.

Jealousy is the worst trait in any person.

That's another piece of advice: Don't go to college; follow your dreams. Unless you're a doctor - then go to college.

If you like standup and decide that it's overtaking your life and want to hate it, watch 1,000 standup comedians who are trying to get on a TV show.

A funny thing is that you can't search me on Twitter because Adam Levine dominates there.

Shakespeare was a smart dude. He was the president of Rome.

People want to be friends with someone who likes to have a good time.

You can shoot a show and have it not air. It's not real until it's airing.

I'm always thinking, 'my career is over, I have to move back to Omaha, and work on the railroad, with the rest of my family. So no, I'm never thinking I've 'arrived.' I think that's a good way to be.

I still haven't found the humor in getting hit by a cement truck. My knees still hurt when I think about it, so no jokes about that yet.

My parents are very cool and wildly supportive - maybe almost too much. I want to tell them to chill out.

If stupidity got us into this, why can't stupidity get us out?

What we call reality is an agreement that people have arrived at to make life more livable.

No matter what's offered to me, I would never in a million years be the big headed Hollywood type.

Credit you give yourself is not worth having.

Every child growing up will look to their parents, my mother and my father. My grandmother lived with us. I picked up quite a bit of family lore and history from her, which was interesting.

Generally speaking, the public appetite for criminal justice policy is just tough talk.

Like the watermen who advance forward while they look backward.

The nearer you take anything to the light, the darker its spots will appear; and the nearer you live to God, the more you will see your own utter vileness.

Self respect, Colie. If you don't have it, the world will walk all over you.