That's another piece of advice: Don't go to college; follow your dreams. Unless you're a doctor - then go to college.

Jealousy is the worst trait in any person.

If you like standup and decide that it's overtaking your life and want to hate it, watch 1,000 standup comedians who are trying to get on a TV show.

A funny thing is that you can't search me on Twitter because Adam Levine dominates there.

Shakespeare was a smart dude. He was the president of Rome.

People want to be friends with someone who likes to have a good time.

You can shoot a show and have it not air. It's not real until it's airing.

I'm always thinking, 'my career is over, I have to move back to Omaha, and work on the railroad, with the rest of my family. So no, I'm never thinking I've 'arrived.' I think that's a good way to be.

That's another piece of advice: Don't go to college follow your dreams. Unless you're a doctor - then go to college.

I still haven't found the humor in getting hit by a cement truck. My knees still hurt when I think about it, so no jokes about that yet.

My parents are very cool and wildly supportive - maybe almost too much. I want to tell them to chill out.

The Holy Scripture is a holy instruction of God.

Live to learn and you'll learn to live.from the book 'I Know Who You Are!

We know that equality of individual ability has never existed and never will, but we do insist that equality of opportunity still must be sought.

I've always discovered things for myself, in marvelous freedom.

How you start your day is how you live your day. How you live your day is how you live your life.

I think the most liberating thing I did early on was to free myself from any concern with my looks as they pertained to my work.

No matter how tired I am, I can only sleep for four hours at a time.

I might die if I forget how to breathe.

Thank you for calling customer service. If you're calm and rational, press 1. If you're a whiner, press 2. If you're a hot head, press 3

My enemies are everywhere. And sometimes, those we least suspect turn out to be our biggest threats.